Sad

This feels so sad. I'm pretty sure D will be going to public school, I think it's best for him now. I can't imagine him continuing to live alone while I'm at work all day; even when I was working here at home, he needed more than just mom's company.

He's just started on his music again recently, I love that. Now I'm coming up with all kinds of things he could do if we didn't have to worry about school - music lessons, church, science experiments, cooking...but we didn't do much while he was at home and he still complains about ANYTHING to do with learning. We're going to try school, he did great in school even though he isn't social at all. He participates and has friends at school but never wanted to spend time with them outside of school. I don't know what will happen but I guess he'll be like every other kid.

Another issue is that I LOVE homeschool curricula, textbooks, workbooks, learning sites. Now I have to get this stuff and instead of just making plans for him to study, I will have to study myself! It's easy to put together plans, fun to tweak them, but to do the work myself? I want to but always feel as if I'm guilty of indulging myself when I should be doing something useful. Why do I feel it's useful for him and not for me? Maybe because it feels too late and I feel too old, I've already discovered that all my skills and abilities are outdated. VERY scary. Learning and acquiring knowledge and skills is necessary, not an indulgence but I'm almost fifty years old! Hardly the time to go to school to learn biochemistry.