Thursday, March 20, 2008

How Do I Get Him Out Of The House?

What's to be done with a child who rarely wants to leave the house and isn't all that concerned with having friends? D has one friend here in this state, sees him every Tuesday and once in a while on other days. He claims to be content with that, resists all efforts to get him involved with other people in any way, shape, or form. Because I know him pretty well, I know that he intensely dislikes change. I also know that he often is happy after being forced to do something uncomfortable and he is grateful that I 'made' him do it. If that was his reaction every time, there would be no question but it isn't.

He said he wanted to go to public school again last week. This is a new state, new school, new people. Major change. I go back and forth on the idea; I'm worried about the social aspect for one, a bunch of 13 year olds is not my ideal for character development! Would the risk be worth it for him to at least interact with others? He's not a "loner", when he's in a group that he's gotten to know, he's quite outgoing and friendly. Still, I didn't really know if he wanted school for friends (and girls?), if he was worried about getting a good education (yeah, I know, not likely, but I had to consider it), was I boring him horribly and a classroom would be better?

His stated reason left me baffled. He wants to go back to ps because then I'll be "on his side". Working at home, doing work I assign him pits me against him in his mind. He wants to have a common enemy so he can complain and whine about nonsensical assignments without it being an insult to me!

I'm half-convinced that this is the real reason. He agreed that he misses the opportunity to joke around with other boys, being a young, rowdy male without offending anyone; I thought that might be a big part of it but he clearly hadn't thought of it before. When I first mentioned it as something he may feel he's missing, he said no, then stopped and thought about it, and agreed that that would be a benefit.

I really don't quite know what to think. He's old enough to have input into his own life but I still have to make the final decision. He's usually quite pragmatic, when I told him the school here starts at 7:45 a.m., he didn't think going would be worth it!